When you step into the real world, you quickly realize that we live in an achievement-focused society. My once-prominent values have gradually been overshadowed by a growing desire for more. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in my spiritual journey is that less can be more. Less responsibility means more time. A smaller apartment means less space to clean, a smaller wardrobe means less laundry to organize, and a few quality friends are much more enriching than a bunch of low-quality ones. I learned to slow down and enjoy the simple things, unknowing that these values would hold no "worth" in the real world because less responsibility, also means less achievement.
I first embraced these values in college, where my world was still small. Everyone was focused on graduating, getting a job, and achieving their own version of success. While these values guided me through college, I’ve found them increasingly overshadowed by the demands of the real world.
I often find myself at a crossroads between my values and desires, prompting me to ask: Why do I keep acting on my immediate desires when they negate my long-term values? I value my freedom, yet I stay on social media, letting my perception of judgment influence how I post. I value free time, so I work a job that offers plenty of it, but I use that time to constantly better myself instead of enjoying life, which was my original intention. I value friendships where I can be my authentic self, yet I meet friends at bars and clubs, using substances to suppress the social anxiety I’d feel otherwise.
I’m realizing that every short-term desire I fulfill stems from a desire for more—more friends, more cool pictures for social media, more money, more skills. I never feel like enough just as I am because I’m constantly comparing myself to others. Yet, when I honor my own values, they bring me a relationship with a loving and kind partner, a job that rewards me with time to rest and enjoy my hobbies, and the fulfillment of helping others in need. They reward me with confidence and allow me to experience the full spectrum of my emotional world.
But in my constant desire for “more,” I’ve been neglecting the most important value of all: myself. |
I allow societal values to take precedence over my personal values. A persistent thought lingers in my mind, telling me that I will never be good enough. I’ve adopted a victim narrative—the misunderstood outsider—because it’s easier than acceptance. Instead of accepting the fact that I just don't fit in to the perceived culture of the majority, I try to mold myself to fit an image. People have so much fun getting drinks when they hang out with friends, so that's what I should do. If I don't enjoy it, then there must be something wrong with me. Everyone posts on social media so much, they're always doing something fun and exciting, so that's what I should do. If I can't afford it or find myself exhausted after 4 days of socializing, there must be something wrong with me.
I find myself asking: how can I change myself in order to fit in? Instead of asking, "how can I change my actions to align myself with people who love me for who I am?" |
As I acquire this newfound awareness, it leaves me hopeful and excited for these next steps. I’m fully confident that if I begin to align my actions with my values rather than falling victim to immediate desires and short-term relief, I will find people who love me as I am. I will find the people who won’t make me feel like I’m not good enough or that I don’t belong because I will belong.
As I navigate my own values and desires, I encourage you to reflect on where you stand and consider how you might realign your actions with what truly matters to you. If you’re feeling misplaced and out of your depth, maybe you should allow yourself to stay there for a while. Understand that you are changing as a person, and with this change may come loneliness or discomfort. Invite yourself to welcome the discomfort and challenge of the steps ahead of you. Love yourself enough to stand firm in the things you value.
As you navigate your own journey, I encourage you to reflect on these questions:
What do you value most in this world?
What behaviors would make you most proud of who you are?
In what ways are you choosing your immediate desires over your values?
How do you think your life could change if you held those values to the utmost importance?
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